I’m still not sure which way this one goes. Yesterday (Friday) I was up until 4am…fell asleep and got up around 9am. This morning I went to bed around 1:30 and I was up again at 4am…and I’ve been up since. In a way its relaxing…everything is quiet and calm. On the other hand its annoying that my pain is keeping me awake…again. Unless its something worth going to the ER for, I let Steve sleep. The guys will be up soon enough anyway…and somewhere in-between Elmo and Sid The Science Kid Ill finally catch my ride to dreamland for a few minutes…but its worth it.
People have asked me to describe the pain I have related to my CIDP. The closest thing I know to compare it to is the feeling you get after your legs fall asleep…that intense, hard, numbing, burning feeling….can you relate? I get that starting in my feet, shoots up through my ankles, to my legs and then just stays there…constantly. I also have it in both hands that shoots to my elbows and into my shoulders. Tonight it is in both places and not stopping…yet I have discovered I can hold my cell phone at just the right angle as not to escalate the pain…but allows me to write…as I am updating right now. See, the glass is half-full.
I really can’t complain. Just a few short weeks ago prior to my pacemaker implant, I caught myself saying to a friend “I just need some quiet time for me…nobody but me!” ….and here’s my sign! Who knew our house could ever be this quiet…and in the dark it even looks clean too!
So, I vote for it being up early today…seems like too often Steve is up with the boys while I’m sawing logs. I’m so thankful for him. Steve never reads my blog, which is fine…he gets the real thing all the time…poor guy!
Everyone should be up in 30 minutes. I’m going to read through my devotional…perfect timing.
Happy New Years Eve! Ill post more on that later!
UPDATE (just before midnight)
I ended up getting an hour to spend reading, thinking and just talking to God. My devotion led me to 2 Corinthians chapter 4. Keeping in mind that I was still dealing with intense pain and very sleep deprived…I soon read:
(Verses 6-7 NLT): For God, who said, “let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. We now have this light shining in our hearts, bot we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. (I love this next part!!!) This makes it clear that our great power is from God, NOT FROM OURSELVES.”
Yep, that;s me! Stuck in a fragile clay body that falls apart so much…yet my joy, my smile, the thing that keeps me moving forward is that faith God has placed in me through Christ. It was SO beautifully summed up!
Have you ever needed God to say, “I get it. I know what you are feeling!” This was one of those times I felt God saying, ‘bethany, you need to read this TODAY, RIGHT NOW. I’m here always and I’m never letting go.”
And yes…those of you out there going – You LEFT OUT THE BEST PART of the passage…
Verses 8-10 NLT: We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
Ditto…really, what more can I say that tops these Truths here? PERFECT! These Words have completely guided my day.
Happy New Year everyone!
Last thought: Surround yourself with people who know your worth. You don’t need too many people to be happy, just a few real ones who appreciate you for exactly who you are.