My Curse, HIS Message
As I sat with my 1 year-old youngest son in the doctors office, I expected another fairly routine checkup. He was my high-risk pregnancy miracle baby boy. I discovered I was pregnant just weeks after my final intense round of chemotherapy had ended. My onocologist was so disturbed by the situation he told me that it would be best for my health to terminate the pregnancy. Our healthy baby boy that doctors told me would not survive the first trimester in the womb is now a healthy, very active boy with mild to moderate bilateral hearing-loss. He is a miracle. I expected his pediatrician to echo this very thought to me as he had done previously on countless occasions. But this visit would be different.
As the pediatrician entered the room, I noticed that he was holding papers close to his chest. Papers were never a good sign with my medical past. After chemo, radiation, a pacemaker, blood tests, CT scans and who knows what else – I despise test results given in-person. It pretty much means bad news. I braced myself and my son for what I was about to hear.
“Well Mrs. Boring, you are indeed a miracle now aren’t you?” he questioned.
I agreed hesitantly, silently expecting him to address my cancer remission.
But he responded, “I have here the results of your son’s blood test and genetic scan. Because of your history, we did look into your files too just to get a better understanding of your health history. Do you know how unique you are? Most people with the blend of disabilities you posess have severe mental issues, speech impairments and require home health aides. You are in such a remarkable and unique position to know what it is like to overcome challenges yet live an independent full life.”
Of course I took his comment tongue and cheek being I didn’t quite agree with his phrasing and terminology, but I never thought of what a “unique position” I was in. I always viewed it as a curse to be dealing with various disabilities yet not enough hardship to be legally identified as disabled. I felt like I was suffering for pretty much no reason. I was in a constant identity crisis.
That day I heard Abba as He sang that same verse over me that I had dreaded most of my life…His promise that I found so hard to accept personally:
Bethany, I know the plans I have for you… They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)
And for the first time in my life, I actually understood that promise.
Who knew my experiences could relate to such a wide range of people?
Who knew that my words could stretch to the abled and disabled, the weak and the strong, the rich and poor and the hurting and those wearing masks?
God did. He created me to be used by Him that way.
How has God wired you for His purpose? Your self-defined curse can be His message. You will never know until you can open your heart, fall into His grace continually and be able to see yourself through His eyes. I believe He will take you on an incredible journey!
Share how you have experienced God work through difficult circumstances. I’ll be reading every comment!