A few months ago, before my life got interesting, I lived by the plan. I was (and still am) wired to be goal oriented. I am very frustrated and discouraged when it seems like I or people I am leading, are motionless, stalled or even worse…lost. I hate it when Steve drives and decides to try a new route…he has learned to inform me of his plan BEFORE doing it and then I'm fine. I can spur the moment and go a different direction, but I want a clear goal, a paved plan in mind.
In my current reality, the term “plan” is really used very loosely…to the point where my medical team barely even uses the term anymore. They used to say, “Okay Bethany, this is plan A, B, C….” and then it changed to “After examining your CASE we have decided to…” OUCH…really…we are not even attempting to go with a plan anymore? Yep, my case really sticks to no plan…but Gods timing…whether the medical team decides to admit it or not!
Just a few moments ago, I wrapped up a case review with the lead members of my medical team…Dr A (oversight), new neuro guy (other one was booted off…gotta love insurance!), cardio team and my team in Atlanta via Skype (REALLY enjoying Skype now!!). Because of insurance and hospital requirements, my Spring Break treatment will occur at the Cancer Center for the time being, unless pre-defined health conditions lead me to complete treatment at the hospital. At first, they were tempted to just make me a “reservation” at the hospital for that week, but they had no medical need (physically). There is a good chance I will complete my last bit of treatment in the hospital just due to the side effects it will have on my body. IF that occurs, they have requested complete confinement due to immune system and white blood cell counts. The treatment will begin on the Monday of Spring Break now (March 26th) and run through Friday March 30th (chemo everyday, radiation changed to Tues and Thurs). Originally, I was starting chemo the Friday prior to my treatment week, but that was ruled as ineffective because it was not close enough to my other treatments. This gives me my weekend back! We are planning a garage sale! I know it's sad…but I'm really excited about doing this!!
SIDE THOUGHTS – Questioning Gods Plan
I've been brainstorming a LOT about Easter these last, well…24 hours being that I really only made it to the office yesterday! My mind just started going in so many directions. I wanted something fun for our preK students, yet away from the bunnies, candy and hype of what most call Easter. For my elementary, I am designing a highly sensory experience, just for Easter Sunday…they will literally experience the last days before Jesus death and that first Easter morning through SMELLS, SOUNDS, TOUCH, TASTE…and I'm telling you, it's going to be AMAZING!!!!
But sharing all of my plans with a friend yesterday really got my brain going in a quite different direction. He is in ministry, not in Florida, or Kentucky…and he started sharing a bit of his potential Easter Sunday plans. As he neared the end, he said, “Sometimes, I feel like I plan so much I don't allow God to mess everything up.” It made me laugh…because, well, it's true.
Gods plans are not ours. PERIOD. We don't think like God, we can't even act like God…news flash…YOU ARE NOT GOD!! Sometimes, I even mess this one up…trying to do so much FOR God I forget that I'm NOT God and try to BE God without spending time WITH God.
Ever been there?
Then I started thinking about how God really wrecked plans…I mean really destroyed lives and to be truthful, I haven't quite resolved these thoughts yet. For instance…
– When He allowed the baby Israelite boys to be thrown into the Nile…and saving only one, Moses. (I get that Moses was chosen…but what about all of the others?).
– A few years later He allowed (and He did) kill the firstborn of ALL homes without the blood around their doorpost ( referred to the Passover). I'm assuming all of the Israelite firstborn were saved, but that's not exactly noted in the Bible.
As a MOM, I just empathize both with the Israelite women and the Egyptian women here…these were THEIR kids here…and yet, God allowed this to happen in HIS Story? I'm just thinking…couldn't there be an easier way??
– Then of course, my mind went to the cross, Jesus' betrayal, scorning, death and watching his disciples run into hiding. At some point, if you call yourself a truly devoted Christian, you have asked yourself, “This was Gods salvation plan?” Why couldn't it have been easier?
Sin really messes up things doesn't it?
As long as we are living in a world of sin, we will always live amongst bad choices of ourselves and others, unexplainable illnesses and deaths, weather related devastations, broken relationships….
…and to think we have a loving God that can use all of this, to bring about our salvation as well as guide us to a better, more sustainable life here on earth…now that's really hard to believe. As shocked as everyone was that first Easter Sunday morning, it still blows my mind that God chooses to trust us…as messed up as we are, with His Truth…that there is life and how God wants us to live it to the fullest. You have heard that Jesus is alive, right? So many Christians go through the storms as if He was dead. Those storms don't last, evil won't last…God wins in the end.
Adam and Eve forever changed the plan for all of us…good thing God never gave up on us.
Just my rambling, crazy minded thoughts as we approach and enter in this Easter “season.” Perhaps it's the best time to really give your PLANS over to Him? It's when we really don't know where we are going that He can guide the best…and really, it's the easiest time for us to never let go of HIM when He is the only FIRM One to hold on to.
Thought by Max Lucado.. “Follow at a distance and you will deny the Master, period. You won't die for a Man you can't touch. But remain close to Him, right in His shadow, and you will die with Him gladly.” (From On The Anvil).