During my battle with cancer, my absolute favorite minutes of my day were centered around the bedtime chatter of our boys.
Even though there were so many events occurring in my life – in our lives – that seemed completely out of my control, lying with my kids in bed was something I was going to guard with the only strength I had left.
So many nights, I would lay in the queen sized bed, whispering in the dark with our 4 year-old. As the vent blew cold air over my bald head and I shook under the blankets that hugged my frail body – it was in those moments I felt an ounce of calm within the storm. I would focus on completing a bedtime story that would be spontaneously crafted on the spot, listening to the heart of my child who was seeing so much more of life than I really felt comfortable revealing.
I couldn’t jump on the bed with him. I could barely walk, holding myself up simply by clinging to walls and steady furniture items logically placed throughout our house. But I could lay with him as he dreamed out loud – as we made up stories of the places we would travel “when God heals you mommy.”
My kiddo kept me believing, even during the many nights I couldn’t feel God at all. But something in my son’s voice, his childlike faith, brought hope into my lifeless, pain-filled, out-of-control reality. That’s why I clung to these nights we could dream together of places that seemed so far away – even if our imagination had us jumping on the very bed we were dreaming on.
And for the record – I don’t encourage jumping on beds…but the day I heard the doctor FINALLY put my name in the same sentence as remission…yes, I was bouncing…even with the addition of a third child by that point!
Oh the silver lining…
I read the following passage this morning and though I’ve read through the entire Bible, my heart seemed to skip a beat:
The LORD replies, “I have seen violence done to the helpless, and I have heard the groans of the poor. Now I will rise up to rescue them, as they have longed for me to do.” The LORD’s promises are pure, like silver refined in a furnace, purified seven times over. Therefore, LORD, we know you will protect the oppressed, preserving them forever from this lying generation, even though the wicked strut about, and evil is praised throughout the land. (Psalms 12:5-8 NLT)
Wait, did you miss it? Did you hear Abba’s whisper? This is what I heard:
Bethany, My promises are pure, like silver refined in a furnace, purified seven times over. (Psalms 12:6 NLT)