Today was another round of ivig and chemo. Everything went fairly smooth, nothing like Tuesdays adventure. I came in dehydrated, so the first hour was just fluids and a lecture about drinking more. I'm trying my best, but you can only get so much in without so much coming back out. I kept dozing off during the treatment itself, which normally isn't bad, but in my case, they like to come and ask questions periodically just to make sure everything was going okay. At one point I remember talking to an assistant and before I knew it they were waking me back up. My body is just exhausted. My muscles ache, my headaches are pretty bad, my thoughts seem to connect here but not verbally…it's completely frustrating.
I'm glad I have a few days to sleep and maybe hibernate too. Out of the sheet of over 20 plus side-effects, I had the blessing of getting every single one. Seriously? Yes, seriously.
I don't think I'll be going anywhere this weekend and for the first time in a LONG time, not going anywhere sounds perfect. Hopefully, I can stay hydrated enough and get a few things down to help my energy level a bit. All of this sleep and lack of human contact is not me. My fear is that this chemo will lose the “old Bethany” somewhere. It is so weird that since Monday I haven't felt like myself…these treatments not only effect the physical, but the emotional and psychological as well. I continue to try to remind myself that this is all temporary, but it's so hard.
A friend told me last night that I need to laugh more everyday. I've laughed once today (that I can remember) when one of our church volunteers called and cracked a joke…laughter in crazy, unexplainable times like this does indeed help. Now that Josh is home, perhaps I will get my recommended dose for the day.
No amazing thoughts today. A friend did text me at just the right minute today, simply asking how I was doing. When I responded asking if he wanted the truth or the “everything is fine” remark, he asked for the truth. So, I vented explaining how tired I was, how angry I can get that this is really gripping my life like this, how though I get that God is using this that sometimes I really wish He would go use somebody else. He responded, eventually…and I found myself feeling so much better getting it out (ever been there?). I really think God knew what I needed when I needed it…still frustrating nevertheless.
LASTLY – I deleted the ESPN app on my iPad today. It required the use of a cable account that I did not have…a friend helped me get this info so I could finally watch my UK basketball. Yet, I thought nothing of it…surely with all the junk going on in my life, I deserve one little perk, right? One of the readers posted a reply to my post telling me using this app without an account was stealing. So, I deleted the comment…but it kept eating away at me. Dumb blog…yet, this reader was right and though they posted anonymously, I give them credit for not letting me slide. I like watching the Cats as much as the next UK fan…but it's not worth stealing. The app is gone and I'm back to borrowing cable from friends. I guess thats better anyway.
If anyone out there wants to make a Florida girls dream, I see that the Wildcats are playing the Gators here in Florida here in a few weeks. I've NEVER been to a real UK Basketball game…so if anyone has any connections…just saying' (I had to try…).