So far so good today. My main doctor is sick…is that even allowed to happen? Everyone is simply going through the motions…just different. But no major bumps…yet…
I’m not sure how long this post will be. I had such a hard time sleeping last night – mainly due to my lack of anticipation for today. I had no energy but my mind just could not settle down. I finally crashed on the couch around 4am…awakened at 7am by our puppy Bubba and our son Josh yelling “Mommy…be careful…Bubba licks your mouth!” I woke-up smiling.
Last night was so insane for me. Its as if someone took the remote to my brain and knew exactly which buttons to push to get me feeling so bad about myself. Ever been there? You start thinking:
When will this end?
Look what I’m doing to my family!
Somehow I’ve done something to deserve this.
I can’t make it through this!
These are LIES! We all face lies like this that creep into our thinking at the worst time. Ever been there? I know I’m not alone…
I sat there with these crazy flat out LIES running through my head and I started to think what I could do to get my brain going in a more positive direction. Tried reading my Bible. I turned on the tv…late night tv is never the answer…more lies there. Got on Facebook…funny…not many “encouraging” status posts out there lately. BUT great encouragement from comments from readers here…I read these last night. It made me stop and take a dose of reality. I took the dog outside…somewhere between 2:15 and 2:30am. Mind still running very much in the negative direction. Then I looked up. The stars. I remember thinking “Why haven’t I noticed these so bright for a while?”
Later on last night I literally, vocally told Satan to leave me alone. I actually went outside (wasn’t going to risk waking my kids) and verbally talked with God and asked Him to send satan packing. I remember the second I asked, I felt immediate relief. I’ve never done that before…but wow, what a feeling!
Its nights like last night that makes me pinch myself and make sure its still me riding through all of this. But wait…it gets better!
Today I get to Mima late…groggy after losing sleep. Yet, feeling optimistic and knowing God was guiding my steps. I get seated in MY chair…like a lounge chair kind of…and this lady out of nowhere runs in and asks, “Can you believe he wants me to go camping tonight just to see the (leaving this word out here) stars?!” Before I could even blink she ran off and a guy (really short and bald) comes in. I’m still in MY chair, in MY area, minding MY buisness…and now I have a short, bald-headed guy just hanging with me. On normal days, I’m up for the challenge…but today I was tired, groggy and really not feeling good…and this guy was just staring at me. “Seriously God?” I ask myself. With a sigh I start the shortest, one of the most influential conversations of my life. I asked the guy if he was looking for someone…its an open area and others are in the same big lobby room wired-up like I was. He looked me dead in the eyes and said:
“I wanted to take her camping to see the stars. God created stars to be seen in the darkness. She is my star but she doesn’t realize that. All she can see is that she is sick. She forgot what a light she is in my dark world.”
I might have gotten a few words twisted, but I just sat there. The guy could have been talking to the lady sitting next to me…maybe he was…but I felt like he was talking to me. Between talking with God under the stars last night and reading the last chapter of Revelation this morning, I had a new thought on this part of my life…here it is…
God creates stars to be seen during the night. They have no real purpose in the daytime. But at night, they shine so amazingly bright, you can’t deny Gods creation. Some of us in this life have been given star moments…when our life grows dark and we shine with His light. You wouldn’t notice in the daylight of crowded everyday life…but when life falls apart sometimes God uses it to be our shining moment. We might not like God using our trials…we may question why He can’t use other avenues instead of where you are now…but God smiles and says “My child, this is the way I choose to use you right now, as a star in the night. But don’t worry, there will be no stars one day…I will be the Everlasting Light.”
Check out Revelation 22:5 NLT
And there will be no night there—no need for lamps or sun—for the Lord God will shine on them.
But until that time comes, we allow God to use us in the midnight sky or simply blending in with the daylight…but its HIS choice. It was just my friendly tap on the shoulder from God saying…”Yes, tou are struggling. Your pain is real – but so is your faith in Me. Let Me use you even now and see what I (meaning the great I AM) can do even in your night.”
Sometimes I think we struggle sharing our fears, crazy night thoughts, failures and hurts with others because we worry about how it will make US look…when in reality, how we handle these midnight times reflects God so much brighter. Its when we can’t, that the world looks and sees that God can.
Do you need to share something today? Shine bright, regardless if you hang with the sun or the moon. You are His. You are loved. Be used!