The last post is still sending tons of emails and quite a few comments as well! Today, I even got a few emails asking when I was going to post next. My response, “How in the world do you follow-up from a post like that?” Answer…you don't. I'm not defined by my life events, but by Who gave me life and by Who allows me to live it to the full. Good thing too…this could all really go to my head (figure of speech of course).
This picture was taken last Thursday right outside of our house here in Florida. Dark clouds, yet a spark on white clearness in the distance.
I got a rough update on my CIDP yesterday. long story short, there is permanent muscle damage that has been done to my feet and lower legs. My cardio issues are continuing to stem from the CIDP making my pacemaker work overtime. My neurologist wants me on prenisone and IVIG now where as Dr A wants absolutely nothing to interfere with my last chemo treatment. I have a prescription that is meant to simply slow down the muscle deterioration process CIDP has on my body, but again Dr. A doesn't want me taking any chances…at least for 2 weeks…and of course this frustrates my neurologist and cardiologist to no end. Mondays appointment ended with my neuro telling me to take the meds and Dr A threatening against it. At this point I have been following Dr. A's advice…not easy, but I can have the script filled at a moments notice as well.
We are moving on Saturday and still don't know where! We are STILL waiting to hear from the seller regarding legal issues and if we can move in early. We have decided if we still have not heard anything by tonight, we will be moving into an apartment on Saturday and walking from the house being it was scheduled to close tomorrow (and that is definitely not happening!).
What a mess! Sometimes I wonder how we got here! Looking for a place to live, STILL fighting health junk, Steve starting school in a few short weeks….this is pure INSANITY!!!!!
Yet, after being a privileged part of Gods plan, only through His grace as displayed last Friday, I'm kind of…well, excited in the midst of this ever hanging storm. I'm beyond frustrated and angry…disappointed, tired….BUT hopeful. I think I lost that temporarily before Friday hit. What a way to gain it back…I can use that jolt again.
Since Friday, I have learned about a friend recently diagnosed with cancer and a dear friend of my parents that was also a huge part of my life – passed away early Monday morning battling cancer. Sitting here, right now, cancer is still part of my life. It physically may not be with me in my body, but the chemo is. Friends are battling it's effect. Families are fighting its grip. It doesn't just go away. You can't simply move on. You can fight for yourself, fight for others you love and learn to live life knowing “it” will be there.
…Also knowing God is bigger than cancer. God beat cancer. There is no cancer in His presence…thank You God!
So, that's where I am. The clouds are still dark here, just in another form. I still struggle trying to believe that cancer will not return in my life. CIDP is my next battle…in a few weeks…after we find where we are living and before Steve school starts.
One foot in front of the other…
This Sunday, Tracy shared this passage and I have put it to memory. It is keeping me going and putting meaning in my chaos:
All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others when they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. (2 Corinthians 1:3, 4 NLT)