If you missed the other parts of this series, feel free to visit the links below:
I recently shared many of the thoughts expressed in this blog post during a Toastmasters Meeting. You can view the video of my short speech below:
My Song For My Oldest Son
As I continue to sing each boy’s song at night, my kids don’t have a clue how God has used the words to speak directly to my heart. All nights are not the same. Some are greeted with ease as troubles seem to be distant. Toys areneatly stored away in the bedroom and everything seems just perfect. But then there are tough nights that I struggle to sing to my boys, tripping over toys that seem too far from having a place to hide.
Days before I became a mom for the first time, I found myself at my local “Build-A-Bear” store, looking to create a memory for my baby boy. The bear was a tan color, so cuddly soft and amazingly cute. I found a little jean jacket for him that fit just right. But what made this little guy a memory was the sound chip I recorded that fit conveniently inside the paw of this special bear.
When my son would press the button, he would hear my voice saying the verse I named him after:
Joshua, be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged, for The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
This passage became his life song…the song I gave to him.
Yes, I sang to him at the hospital and throughout each sleepless night at home.
I sang to him as he crawled onto my lap after an adventurous day of exploration.
I sang to him as he walked to me, leaning, toddling, uncertain yet smiling.
I sang to him as he grew older, smarter and unfortunately indapendant.
And one day, he told me that “big boys don’t have baby songs.”
And just like that, our song stopped…yet it continued deep within my mommy heart.
That’s why I was so incredibly shaken when my big boy asked for his song during my battle with brain cancer. As we laid there on his bed and he wiped the remaining eyebrow hairs from my face, I could tell he was scared. He bluntly leaned over, cheek to cheek, with one hand on my bald head he asked me point blank – “Mom, are you going to die?”
Nothing on earth will ever make me forget that moment. Granted, I’ve struggled to remember so many more important life events that brain cancer has forever stolen from me. But the uneasiness of this moment is permanently sealed deep within my mommy heart.
No mom should ever have to answer that question…and I didn’t have to.
His song did.
My kid asked for me to sing his song before I could answer his question.
As he started singing that night, all I could hear was Abba whispering directly to my fear and speaking right into my desire to simply give-up this fight. That night I heard:
Bethany, have I not commanded you to be strong and courageous? Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged, for I AM The Lord Your God and I will be with you, Bethany, wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)
I didn’t feel strong.
I hated the thought of courage.
Yet, God chose to use the song I purposefully gave to my son, to speak into my life at a very crucial moment. God knew well before my little guy was even formed that one day I would be lying here, in a bed with my son, fearing the chemo treatment I would endure again the next morning. He knew my thoughts. He knew my exhaustion. He felt my desperation. He placed the song in my heart not only for my son, but for the future me that needed those words more than I ever knew.
What? Don’t act so surprised…God totally planned it that way. Love the way He works.
Sometimes,God will speak through your kids to simply remind you, friend, that you are far from done. You see, God isn’t done with you yet and you never know how the songs you choose today will impact your life tomorrow. So, keep listening to His voice, keep singing His song. Keep dancing with Him and enjoy this dance while it lasts.
Has God ever spoke through a decision you made earlier to impact your present day in a positive way? I’d love to hear your story in the comments!
Tomorrow “5 Minute Friday” post will end this “Whispers With Abba” series. Thanks for joining me on this journey friends!