Drawing A Line In The Sand
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2. Power Surge. We’ve all experienced a power surge, one that brings our appliances into overload, popping circuit breakers, and blowing fuses. Well experiencing God’s presence is a whole other kind of power surge! Share a time when you have felt God’s presence in a profound way, or hear His voice speak directly to your heart.
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“You are going to have to show-up in a big way to make me trust You…”
I was a trembling high school student uttering those words while looking at the moon’s reflection over a lake during a Spring Break trip. The air was warm, yet still. The energy felt at that campground was high. God was working in the lives of students in our group. Tears were being shed. Decisions were being made.
And there I stood. Once again, I felt like the round puzzle piece trying to fit into a square frame. I didn’t feel anything calling me to really respond to. If anything, I was angry. Angry not at others
immediately…no, I was angry at God.
Those of you that know me realize I’ve had my share of overcoming obstacles. One of the biggest struggles I encountered was finding my place while not quite looking like everyone else. I was born with my right arm considerably smaller than my left. I was missing an ear canal in my left ear, limited vision in my left eye and due to a punctured ear-drum I needed a hearing-aid in my right ear. No matter how hard I tried, I just didn’t feel like I quite met others standards.
Standing there this particular night, I had enough. I always pondered a thought deep within me but never had I actually mustered the courage to ask God my question…the one question that kept me from trusting Him with my life.
“How could You…this loving God, create someone like me with all of these differences? Why did You not take the time to complete me like everyone else?”
I was brave that night and finally drew the line in the sand. I really talked to God, opened my heart and just poured out years worth of anger and frustration. “Why don’t You love me? Where are You? Why do I have to go through everything alone? Is this it or is there really something more?”
With tears running down my face, I remember looking at the moon, questioning if He was even listening…if He truly cared.
It was at that moment that I felt God speak to me for the first time. In the stillness of that Spring night, the word I heard loud and clear was…”Finally.”
The first time I heard it, I quickly looked behind me to see absolutely nobody. I went to turn my hearing-aid up and realized I had previously turned it off (I did this from time to time if the battery was running low and I couldn’t replace it on hand). I heard a gentle whisper…with my hearing-aid off I can’t hear whispers, let alone a conversation at the normal level.
I felt a chill go down my spine.
What had I done? ” Finally”? Finally what?
“Finally, you can see me.”
I can? Where? When? How?
At that moment I felt a wind come across me like nothing I have ever felt before. It brought peace, comfort, rest. I remember smiling.
The wind, I’ve always pictured, was like Gods hands gently pushing me on…as to say “Im here…keep on going!” Yet, I felt completely out of place sharing this with anyone else…but longed to experience His touch again.
After this experience, I dared not to say anything…I seriously started doubting that this had occurred…and to me? Yet, this fire in my heart kept looking for God to show-up again.
And He did.
Of course I have other amazing encounters with God…but I still feel that subtle wind during parts of my life that I know God is saying, “See, Im here. Keep going! Keep searching for Me! Im here!”
During my freshman year of college as I walked back to the dorm, smacked in the middle of a close group of my friends…I felt the wind…”See, I am here.” I had amazing friendships I never thought were possible.
After my baptism headed out with friends to celebrate I felt Him…He was there. I felt a new beginning…a relationship with Him that I never thought I deserved.
Right before my (now husband) boyfriend held my hand for the first time…He was there. I met a guy who really loved me for who I was…a trust I never even saw coming.
The night I did my first baptism…He greeted me in celebration. God was using me to lead others to him…oh yes, all things were possible with Him!
Heading into those dreaded double doors at the Cancer Center…He pushed me through (on more than one occasion). He reminded me constantly that He would never leave my side…my trust grew.
That day I received the news that the tumors were missing and I had a clear scan…I knew He was there, but He made sure I felt Him as well.
…I know if I was reading this from your view I would be going “Okay Bethany…you are crazy!” I’ve pondered that…but the feeling I have when this wind occurs…the feeling of peace, power, acceptance, joy…all in the matter of seconds…well, that’s why I haven’t exactly blogged about this before.
There have been other experiences non-wind related (this blog for example) that God has worked in my life, but I thought I would share something I have treasured in my heart. I drew the line in the sand and even though He was always there, He chose to make Himself known at times I might have overlooked His presence.
Drawing the line in the sand was where my journey with Him really started.
Funny…that place was Lake Aurora Christian Camp, located just a short drive from where we live right now…and yes, I’ve been back there several times.
What is keeping you from being real with God? Draw the line, but keep your heart open so you can be prepared for Him to speak to you.