I felt like the worst mom ever.
Because I was judging my success based on the number of tasks I could cross off my list instead of embracing the moment and living as His.
The dishes were piling so high that I could literally see a shadow forming on our kitchen floor. The older boys were grabbing clean underwear from the warmly dried pile on the couch. The crock pot died and was still sitting proudly on the counter (I was still mourning). The printer was out of ink, the dishwasher was out of soap and I was out of patience.
Our lives were a bit messy but God was at work big time.
I was completing my training at Christian Coach Institute, discovering my passion for walking with others as a Christian Life Coach. Nothing has ever ignited my zeal for ministry as coming along the side of other women as they discover God’s purpose for their lives. Week after week, I found myself longing for deeper conversations. I would end a session with a client and find that my mind was rushing, heart pumping, on fire for God and feeling completely alive for the first time in my life. I was all in and there was no going back.
My kids were so encouraging during my life coach training journey. We started “P. P. THURSDAYS” in celebration of my class weekly meeting night. After picking the boys up from school, we would head to the Park and then home for Pizza. The boys amazed me week after week willingly going to bed so mommy could get to class on time (though I did hear giggling from time to time from their dark bedroom). I posted a few weeks ago how my older boys were able to change their morning routine from chaos into order and excitement. Another coaching session brought continual progress to my book project. Yet another coaching session gave me the strength I needed to stay the course with my youngest’s hearing-aid wearing battle. My boys noticed the changes and could not get enough!
“Mommy, what can we try next?”
If I could just figure-out how to get my minions to keep their room clean, that will be our “next.”
Yet, I looked around over the top of my laptop, open books and notes and found myself surrounded by discouragement. My old routine of checking off my easy to-do items as SuperMommy has fallen way off my radar. Honestly, this new excitement God had called me to had me question if all of this change was worth it. Was it too much? Would I be able to be a mom and a life coach while remaining sane?
And then God answered, through my kids (as moms, that’s so like God to speak through our babies, isn’t it?).
Just one day prior to graduation, my boys made me the following video.
[tweetthis]My kids made me a video with words I never thought I would hear:https://youtu.be/2Q7L0mlJbcg [/tweetthis]
They got it. They understood why the changes were so important in our lives right now. They were excited. They were proud. Although they don’t see the impact their words had on me now, one day they will understand how God used this moment to put “Coach Mommy” back together.
I share this for the mom that questions if the sacrifice is worth it. Can we really be all mom and follow our dream? It’s a rough balance, no doubt. But it is possible.
[tweetthis]Can we really be all mom and follow our dream? It’s a rough balance, no doubt. But it is possible.[/tweetthis]
But the very first change we need to work on is redefining success. When our kids look back and reflect on our role, will they remember how many dishes we washed or the countless mountains of laundry we washed? Maybe. But I want my kids to remember laughing with me as we ran through the summer rain shower, spontaneous dance parties after dinner in the kitchen, singing “Frosty The Snowman” as loud as we can before bed in May and the joy of licking the chocolate frosting off the mixing spoon when nobody is looking. I want to make memories with my kids and feel completely alive during this chance that I have at life. They see mommy set free when I coach others or return from a speaking engagement or finish a writing project. They see mommy is at her best when I am fully used by God. I can be a mommy and wear other hats, but my kids will always come before coaching, writing or speaking.
Our kids may never share these words with us, but they see it. Moms, they see the effort you put into following His call on your life. They see those quiet moments you spend with God, even if it is hiding while calling out to God in the bathroom. They see your passion in the work God has equipped you to do.
The laundry has since been put away several times. The dishes have been washed, put away and used again. Our normal routine is back, but with the added time for coaching, speaking and writing. It’s a change my guys were ready to make and I’m sure won’t be the last!
Happy early Mother’s Day!