I'm REALLY tired, but I wanted to write to get everyone started on the same page.
Tomorrow (Monday) I'll be starting on my intense treatment week. I will receive chemo everyday and radiation on Tuesday and Thursday. This will be the last approved attempt here in this area, before being referred elsewhere for further analysis (if the tumor is still present). Long story short, the team believes that the chemo and radiation are working, but the break period between treatments is when the most reshaping and growth has occurred. Because there is only 6 percent of the original tumor left, they want one, consecutive treatment week with no break and no CIDP medication. They are referring to this upcoming treatment as my “hell week.” I was already having a hard time going back to treatment but this phrase really doesn't help.
I'm really not looking forward to tomorrow. Josh has really had a hard time lately and is being much more clingy than ever. He woke me up with a soft kiss on the cheek this morning and told me, “Mommy, you are the best mommy in the world. I love you!” He said it twice and I thought for sure Steve told him to say that…but he didn't…it was all Josh! In fact, he has REALLY been trying to be so good lately…he is really growing-up. love my little man.
Steve has both boys this week because it's Spring Break. If you live around us, CALL STEVE and help get the boys out of the house! I've tried to make something fun for them to do each day this week, whether it's going to the park, making pizza or just daddy and Josh time at the movies. Hoping this week is fun for them!!
Steve made homemade chicken Parmesan tonight…followed by homemade blizzards (after the kids went to sleep). I'm still only really attempting one full meal a day (dinner) and wow…love that my man cooks!!! He even loaded up with Sprite, Gatorade, crackers and Cheerios…this is sad, but I'm excited! I feel prepared!
As In mentally TRYING to get myself ready for this week, I started thinking about Noah. He knew flat out that God was sending a flood that would cover the entire earth and would kill every living thing not in the Ark. Every piece of wood that Noah hauled, every nail that he hammered, every stall he built, every piece of food he purchased…every second of every day the FLOOD had to be on his mind. Can you imagine how he must have lived? I can just see him and his family, building away, and each time they “think” they are done, Noah testing it for leaks and starting over again. He knew disaster was coming, but He knew God put him and his family in the middle of the storm. He knew his life story was not his own, but Authored by God. He knew the rain was coming, there was no way around it. I would have asked God, “You created the animals in one day…save me some hard work here and just do that again!” But I'm assuming that was never recorded.
The point here is…we all have storms in our life. Some we can see coming, some we can't. But God can use all the wind, waves, rain…and even animal poop…to eventually bring about a new beginning. Granted, not all of our storms end quite as good as Noah's rainbow…in fact, some storms don't seem to end well at all. But God really does use our storms for His glory…you just have to have the right set of eyes to see it…and for most, this occurs long after the storm has ended.
As the rain starts again, I guess that's my prayer in all of this…that God will eventually reveal to me what He is doing in all of this. But for right now, I just find a slight comfort in the Ark of my family, my church family and my relationship with Him.
See you when I reach dry land…